The Day Brightener

Because everyone has the right to be truly free and happy

On the Nature of Friends

They Do Not Judge, They Inspire and They Are Thoughtfulness in Action

The Flower Child story was one about the importance of love and support for our children, but it was also one about friendship .  In the story, He-He The Day Brightener gains a new friend and a renewed appreciation for the friendships he has.

Like He-He, reflecting on this story has also made me see just how precious my friends are.    I have always known they are generous,  caring and great listeners.  But a few months ago when I hit one of lifes little speed bumps,  I realised they have three very special characteristics that I had not truly recognised or appreciated until now: They do not judge; they inspire; and they are thoughtfulness in action.

They Do Not Judge

The essence of a true friend is to make allowances for another’s little lapses. David Story

I am not sure why, but I have always been worried about what others think of me.  Even my friends.  This has stopped me sharing my worries, and probably to a great extent sharing friendships as well.  My recent “speed bump” though was quite public and brought the facade self-control crashing down.  I was really expecting to be torn to shreds, shunned and even ostracised by my friends.  But instead I was met with only concern and offers of help.  “There is no judgement here” said a friend, welcoming me in to her home.  I truly felt blessed.

I guess part of it is because you choose friends with the same values as you, they know and understand the “real” you, and belive in you enough to trust that you will make amends. The other part is just pure grace in action.

They Inspire

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile…it’s the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

It has also become evident to me that when you share your ideas and dreams with true friends, you are bestowed with selfless inspiration.

Over the past year, I have seen a close friend find the strength to face her own demons, re-discover her inner joy and self-publish a book.  Her courage has been a great source of inspiration to take my own journey of self-discovery, and to take the leap to make my writing public.  She is an endless source of enthusiastic possibilities.

Another friend always makes time to comment on my blog, share her observations and great ideas for new story lines. In fact, she provided the inspiration for A Flood of Emotion.

These friends not only provide a foundation of faith in my dreams, but an interest and excitement that helps them bloom and grow.

They are Thoughtfulness in Action

I am constantly humbled by the thoughtfulness of my friends.  A very special example was when one friend bought fairy dresses for my little girls, and me, and we all had a fairy party.  What a truly thoughtful and beautiful gift.

I also think of my Mother who was such a caring and selfless woman.  She had a birthday book full of names (relatives and friends of both hers and her children).  At the beginning of each month she would religiously check the birthdays for that month, buy cards for everyone and send them out to be there in time for their birthday.  She would also regularly call family and friends just to check they were OK. The lives she touched was evident at her funeral, when even the standing spaces were full of people wanting to honour her.

I often think about things I would like to do for friends – little gifts or notes I would like to send, calls I would like to make.  But most of the time I never quite get around to doing it.    My shining examples of friends have shown me that the real gift is in taking the action to go with the thoughts.   

Friendship involves many things but, above all the power of going outside oneself and appreciating what is noble and loving in another.
                                                                                                 – Thomas Huxley

These musings have led me to question – How can I better return the blessings I have been given, and become more like the Day Brightener for these very special people?  My friends provide me with so much support, consideration and inspiration.    How can I show my appreciation for them and honour the special souls that are my friends?  Another thought for tonights dreams and tomorrow’s actions…..

In Japan chrysanthemums called “kikus” is exchanged between friends as a symbol of the virtue and incomparable value of their friendship.


2 comments on “On the Nature of Friends

  1. Helen
    January 26, 2011

    A beautiful post Belinda – I only take exception to the concept that one’s friends trust you to make amends for being human – we do not believe you have anything to make amends for. Be kind to yourself Capricorn.

  2. Helen
    January 27, 2011

    I expand on personal witching hours in Bram – mine is 3.30am. I woke up thinking of you and something I wrote many, many years ago. I am half asleep and can only remember the beginning and the final line, maybe the rest will come back to me when I am more lucid.

    For you

    Perhaps my first mistake was trying too hard
    Perhaps it was succeeding
    Whatever the case, you beamed with pride
    And hung my picture so high on the wall
    That all were forced to look up at me

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This entry was posted on January 25, 2011 by in Musings and Reflections and tagged , , , .
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